Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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