hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
