The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
