Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
