An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
love makes seman taste better
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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