At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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