Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
