someone threw a dead crab at me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
