Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
