Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
