Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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