She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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