I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
