The maid of honor just puked.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
