I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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