if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
