The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
