After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Randomize
