He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
