i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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