all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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