My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
