they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Who did Billy Mays play for?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
