Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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