i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
