hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
