i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
