Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
