is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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