turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just invented taco cereal.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
