He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
