I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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