I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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