ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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