So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
