he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
