I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
