susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
