Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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