I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
