You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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