so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
