that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
