watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
