We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
