found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
