there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
