I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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