how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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