if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's always time for handjobs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
