I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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