I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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