I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
