Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
