i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
