We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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