anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
