Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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