my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
