Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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