and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
