She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
