it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
