So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
