All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
