Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
