Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
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Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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