I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
