you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
