we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
