I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
