She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
