It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
