Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
