If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i came on her dog
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
