But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
