U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
