I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
