we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
