I want to have your abortion
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
