Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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