Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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