we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
